Monday, August 22, 2005

What the hell is wrong with cell phone companies???

Okay, so here's the story:

I have been an AT&T wireless customer for over five years. AT&T recently merged with Cingular Wireless. For some reason, Cingular told me that they do not cover the Carolinas. I thought this to be a bit fishy because I consistently see TV ads, billboards, mailers, etc., for Cingular. Regardless, I wait to see what "they" will do with my account. It gets changed to SunCom. Well, SunCom offers me a plan for more money per month for fewer minutes, etc. I can't go for that. So I changed my service to Verizon. Yeah, Verizon. I get two Motorola flip phones for $49, which I think is a great deal--right? No. The phones go dead after just a day--maybe not even that long if you talk a lot--and they take a LONG time to charge. If you don't answer the phone while it's ringing, it continually beeps until you at least open your phone to see who called! Annoying, not-worth-the-money, and pathetic. Plus, I can't use the free mobile-to-mobile to call the people I normally call, who just so happen to be on... you guessed it... Cingular! So I turn in the stupid phones to Verizon and disconnect my service. Hands clean, right? I transfer the number I have always had back to Cingular--a huge ordeal in itself, a matter which I may decide to discuss at a later date--and purchase an additional line for Brian, just like I tried to do with Verizon. Everything should be fine, right? No! The phones Cingular has to offer online do not match up with the ones they offer over the phone, so I can't get a decent phone. Brian likes it, but I don't. Nonetheless, I continue with the transfer and get a crappy phone that I despise. Okay, fine. At least I can make calls without the stupid thing going dead on me, and I can call folks on the free mobile-to-mobile like I did before. Yeah. Am I that hard to please? Anyway, I check with a Cingular store to see if they can offer me a different phone. Sure they can do it, but it will cost me at least $150 up front. NO. I will stick with my dumb phone. I check back in a couple of weeks to see if the over-the-phone store has gotten any new phones. No. Okay fine.

So here's where it gets good. I get a bill in the mail from Cingular for $756!! What the hell? I call them and they tell me that since the merger, Cingular chose a plan for Brian's number, which ended up being for a totally different area. I live in North Carolina, idiots!!!!!!! So they say they will fix it. Okay, so I wait. Now I'm getting repeated phone calls from Cingular, I guess from their collections department, asking WHEN I'm going to be able to pay my balance of $1100+!! Are you kidding me? I scream into the phone that I seriously do not owe this balance, and they transfer me to another person each time. I guess Cingular's way of dealing with irate customers is to transfer them, and OOPS! let the call get dropped in the interim. I have screamed at Cingular personnel at least three times and they have OOPS! dropped the call in transit every time. Yeah. I don't have time for this.

So just minutes ago, I get a call from Verizon. Remember them? Okay, so their collections department is calling ME to find out WHEN I'm going to pay the balance of $250 I owe to them for two months of service I have not had with them. Let me just say "What the hell??" again. So I start screaming at them, too! The lady had the audacity to tell me I should go back to the store at which I turned in my good-for-nothing Motorola phones! Hell no. Again, I do not have time for this. So she connects me to another idiot at customer care. He said that the idiots at the store never disconnected the service I dropped and that he will contact the store and call me back. Call me back??? Whatever.

Cell phones are the death of all of us. If we don't get brain cancer from the heat of the battery burning through our ear, or from the endless conversations we feel we need to have while driving, they will get us with heart attack or stroke from the stress caused by their billing departments! Fuckers!


Blogger Melissa said...

My POOR, POOR, POOR Steph!!!!!!! Albeit tragic, this has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read in my life. Contact a publishing house and get this out in Time Magazine or something, for crying out loud. This is WAY too excellent of a piece to only hit a blog!!

10:41 PM, September 02, 2005  

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